Inspired by some teachings in the Bhagavad Gita1, and this Dr. K video.
Here’s what happens for me 80% of the time: I’m motivated to do something, and so I go do it. Sometimes it’s easy, and I don’t have to think about it much; sometimes it’s harder, but I can still push through and get it done. The other 20% of the time, I struggle and don’t end up doing the thing.
What’s happenning? Why am I sometimes motivated and sometimes not? Why is it sometimes easy to do things, while at other times it feels impossible?
Here are some “motivating factors” I can think of:
When I don’t feel motivated to do X, the first thing I tend to ask is: How do I get more motivated? How do I amp up these factors?
And sometimes I’m able to get more motivated, e.g. by hyping myself up. But there are times where even that doesn’t work.
What if this entire view of motivation is flawed, and there is another way to do things?
What am I actually doing when I try to get more motivated? Why do I want to be motivated?
Because when I’m motivated, doing things is easy.
If only I was motivated all the time, then I would get everything done and I wouldn’t have to struggle or feel anxious or be stressed!
But by feeding into this belief, I start a cycle of preferring to do things when they are easy. And over time this reduces my ability to do things when it’s hard or when I don’t feel like it. I become only able to do things when it feels easy, and ultimately, I end up at the mercy of my wants and feelings.
My wants control me; I am not in control.
Now, imagine if I could do things regardless of how I’m feeling.
(Buckle up, this is where things get a bit weird and woo-y.)
How do I do things regardless of how I’m feeling? And especially if I’m feeling bad?
What does “feeling bad” mean? Usually it’s wanting to avoid the pain of doing the thing.
Why? Because my brain assesses that the reward of doing the thing is not worth the pain.
For example: going to the gym today
So clearly it is not worth it to go to the gym today. (Honestly, valid.)
But notice that this assessment is focused on the outcome and ROI. And I want to be able to act independently of my brain’s immediate ROI calculation.
How do I act independently of poor immediate ROI?
By thinking about the long-term ROI, amirite :)
Notice that this is still focused on ROI, and to me this also has a bit of a coercive edge to it. “Shoulds” often come up for me. I “should” do this because of the long-term benefits (and if I don’t do this → then I’m losing out → that is bad → I’m a bad person, etc.).
All this to say that aiming at the long-term ROI may not work either, because it’s still playing the same game of focusing on the outcome.
So how do I act independently of ROI entirely?
A key teaching from the Bhagavad Gita goes something like: “You have a right to do [your duty / the things you must do / the things only you can do], but you are not entitled to the fruits of the action.”1
If you (1) take the actions you can, today, and (2) let go of the outcome, then that actually brings freedom.
In the gym example: going to the gym today is itself the desired result.
Why? Because I want to practice acting regardless of the perceived outcome.
Why? Because then I can get the outcomes, hah!! … *ahem*
So, why? If I am letting go of the outcome, what remains?
Because I want to be someone who can act regardless of how I’m feeling.
This is self-efficacy. And self-efficacy is attainable right now, today.
Do what you can do today.
Do what you’d be proud of yourself for doing when you go to bed at night.
Do the thing today, as a gift to the person who will wake up in your body tomorrow.
Take care of yourself.
Notice when you’re orienting toward outcomes, and refocus on the present.
This framing of letting go of the outcome and doing what you can do today also feels like bedrock to me. Acting from motivation can only go so far. And in the worst of times you will end up back here, wanting to act when you’re not feeling up to it. So why not learn how to do this from the get-go?
If you have keen eye, you might’ve noticed that I may have fallen into the same trap I was trying to escape from: turning “self-efficacy” into a new outcome to pursue. Once I have enough self-efficacy, then I’ll be able to do everything I want to (and then I’ll be happy).
As of now, I’m of two minds on this:
(1) Focusing on ‘self-efficacy in the moment’ feels OK
Maybe this works because it’s still centered around being in the moment. Or maybe this only works for a while as an intermediary step before I understand that I’m still playing the same game. Idk.
It feels decent right now, so we’ll see.
(2) Trying to short-circuit the need to improve things entirely
This whole post is really rooted in my desire to improve my life, in this case through acting without needing to feel motivated.
I want to be in control of my wants, not the other way around. Oh the irony!
I don’t have a fine grasp on this phenomenon to describe it clearly, but there is a certain running-in-circles that’s going on here. Kind of like having a harsh inner critic in your head and wanting to dismantle it, which is just using methodology that channels the harsh inner critic, which just perpetuates it.
But maybe there’s an entirely othrogonal way out.
One question I’ve come up with is: What if I didn’t try to improve this?
The intention here is to ask myself this question a lot. When I jump to wanting to improve things, I want to ask this question, to pause and notice. What if I didn’t try to improve this? If I notice myself responding, “But I must improve this!!”, that’s data to work with.
I’m not entirely sure where this path leads, but in the Eastern spiritual traditions this is where it starts, or so Claude tells me. We’ll see what happens.
*
I’m not very happy with how I’m ending this piece, but whatever, publish what I can today! I’m writing this mostly to have something to refer back to when I’m stuck in the motivation trap again. This rough pointer is sufficient to start practicing coming back to the present.
For more on the Gita, I’d recommend the book The Great Work of Your Life as a Western-friendly introduction. ↩︎ ↩︎