I’ve started to notice a recurring set of Walls I keep running into in life, a bit like level caps on a video game character, though not exactly. In a sense they are self-sustaining, in that they are sustainted by me (or part of some past version of me that I hold onto that was adaptive but has now become maladaptive).
I run into these Walls, recognize them, greet them and say “Hello again. I see you but I can never seem to get past you.” Some days I’m able to chisel away at a Wall a tiny bit before backing off, other days I think yeah nope not today and back off all the same.
Not to say that I think these Walls are permanent. In fact, I’m confident that one day I’ll have chipped away enough at these Walls that they crumble, and I’ll spend some time clearing out the chunks of rubble before safely stepping on through to the other side. In the meantime, progress is slow. (Because if it was easy, then it wouldn’t be a Wall with a captial w.)
As a bit of an experiment, I’m going to try to maintain a list here. I’ll add items as I encounter them.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about this piece of advice that goes like, “Think about where you want to be in 2 years, and start acting like that person today.” I think it applies here – these Walls are kind of like manifestations of Old Patterns. You don’t ask strangers to help take your photo, because… why? Because you’re not that kind of person? But if you do want to become that type of person, in a sense you have to become someone new (some like to say killing the person you are now), because the person you are now ISN’T flagging down the stranger. ↩︎
Dukkha - Sanskrit: दुःख; “bad space” is a translation I’m fond of; also “unease”, “unsatisfactory”, “suffering” ↩︎